veturius | (no subject)

It's cold again today. The brief, isolated change had been nice but unnatural and I'm almost glad that things have gone back to normal. I don't mind the changing of the seasons but I prefer they happen gradually, not freezing one day and hot the next. It makes me nervous.

The cold doesn't really bother me much anyway. Sometimes, it's even nice and that's why I've cracked the window in my home, letting in a crisp breeze. I've already done a bit of training, cleaned up and now I'm sitting idly, television on but unwatched.

This also makes me nervous, sitting and doing nothing. I feel that I'm either missing something that needs doing or that I'm going to be caught out and punished severely. It takes reminding myself that the commandant isn't here to set my mind off of that track.

I should go out, do something but I don't know where to go or what to do so I just sit there, tapping my fingers against my knee while a movie drones on in the background. Perhaps one day I'll be able to be still and not feel like I'm doing something wrong.

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"It's going to be okay," I tell her, picking her up like she weighs nothing, like she's light as a feather. I don't want her to feel like she's an invalid, like she can't do it herself but this will be faster. She's in so much pain and, unless I call the healers to come here, we're not going to make it there quickly when she's hurting so badly.

The screams cut at him, rip his insides to shreds and I want so desperately to be able to do more than just carry her to the healers. I want to be the one to help, not someone else.

When she's in my arms, I press a kiss to her forehead and tell her, "I love you. It's going to be okay."

All I have are words. All I can do it try and reassure her. With her in my arms, I shoulder open the door and start walking, falling into a brisk pace that I hope gets us there quick.