it certainly makes you harder to hate

It's cold again today. The brief, isolated change had been nice but unnatural and I'm almost glad that things have gone back to normal. I don't mind the changing of the seasons but I prefer they happen gradually, not freezing one day and hot the next. It makes me nervous.

The cold doesn't really bother me much anyway. Sometimes, it's even nice and that's why I've cracked the window in my home, letting in a crisp breeze. I've already done a bit of training, cleaned up and now I'm sitting idly, television on but unwatched.

This also makes me nervous, sitting and doing nothing. I feel that I'm either missing something that needs doing or that I'm going to be caught out and punished severely. It takes reminding myself that the commandant isn't here to set my mind off of that track.

I should go out, do something but I don't know where to go or what to do so I just sit there, tapping my fingers against my knee while a movie drones on in the background. Perhaps one day I'll be able to be still and not feel like I'm doing something wrong.