veturius | (no subject)

It's cold again today. The brief, isolated change had been nice but unnatural and I'm almost glad that things have gone back to normal. I don't mind the changing of the seasons but I prefer they happen gradually, not freezing one day and hot the next. It makes me nervous.

The cold doesn't really bother me much anyway. Sometimes, it's even nice and that's why I've cracked the window in my home, letting in a crisp breeze. I've already done a bit of training, cleaned up and now I'm sitting idly, television on but unwatched.

This also makes me nervous, sitting and doing nothing. I feel that I'm either missing something that needs doing or that I'm going to be caught out and punished severely. It takes reminding myself that the commandant isn't here to set my mind off of that track.

I should go out, do something but I don't know where to go or what to do so I just sit there, tapping my fingers against my knee while a movie drones on in the background. Perhaps one day I'll be able to be still and not feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Threaded | Flat

Raven wouldn't say she's at the end of her rope, but it's been a month and she's gotten to a point where she can't lie to herself anymore. She'd spent the other night sitting in a bar alone trying to drown ALIE out with beer, which means she probably can't pretend like everything is fine. It's been a month of no pain, but it's also been a month of seeing her out of the corner of her eye nearly every time she turns around. A month of her talking, telling Raven how to build more of those chips, how to bring more people on board.

There's some part of her that knows that's a bad idea, but it's getting harder to ignore her. And then Marius had disappeared. With ALIE in her head it was like he never existed. Somebody said his name and she couldn't place him, couldn't conjure a face to mind. She knows they were supposed to be friends, knows they'd been close, but every memory of him is just gone, in a way that's beyond unsettling.

She needs help. She knows that now, but she also knows that ALIE is going to try and stop her from getting it. She's running out of options though, so she goes to Elias's apartment before she's really worked out what she's going to say. ALIE follows her, warning her with every step to turn around, but Raven clenches her fists, ignores her the best she can. She doesn't bother to knock once she arrives, thankful that the door is unlocked and he appears to be home.

"Elias?" she calls, opening the door and trying to close it on ALIE's face. It doesn't work of course; she reappears on the other side, her lips in a tight line.