veturius | (no subject)

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I've been mostly keeping to myself since the arrival of Demetrius' body. I'd let people help me with burying him but after that, I'd disappeared. When I went out, it was at night to lessen the chance someone I knew saw me and even then, I made sure my trips were short.

Everything was such a mess. I didn't know how I was going to continue living here with what I'd done. Being back in Serra meant I could at least try and atone for what I'd done by helping Laia and Darin. But, I was here now, here with people that I'd tried not to care about (and did anyway). Separation and disconnection was the only way I could see to keep them safe.

I, of course, hadn't told them that.

The sun was just starting to set on another day of me keeping to myself inside my apartment. I'd taken to trying to use the appliances in my kitchen since I was isolating myself so much. I'd only burned a few things though one of those things had just been burned so the smell of smoke and charred food was wafting through my apartment.

I'd opened my windows, letting the warm air in and taken a seat on sofa with a book. I'd been doing this a lot recently too, trying to absorb the history of a place that had shaken me so much. I wanted to know why and what and how. The books weren't providing much but I continued on because I needed to do something to fill up the time that I now had.

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He's apologising, which is such a ridiculously Elias thing to do, but at least he's not pulling away. Admittedly, Raven hasn't done this in a while either. The last time she slept with anyone was Wick, and that hadn't gone all that well, in the end. But that had mainly been her fault, her anger at him and mostly at herself making for an awkward after. It had been the first time she tried to do this with the brace, and she'd been more frustrated with that than anything else.

This time she's had a little more time to come to terms with it, even if she's still kind of hoping he doesn't notice it when he shifts against her. She moves her leg a little, tries to stop the joints from digging into him at all. Eighteen months ago she could have done this without a second thought, without having to think of the logistics at all, but she's determined not to let that ruin this.

"You're not doing anything wrong," she assures him, kissing him again. It's not how she expected this day to go, exactly, but she's surprised by how much she wants it. Raven slips her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, shifting so that their legs slot between each other. "Trust me, you're doing fine."

My sofa might not be the best place to do something like this but my focus has fizzled out and I can't bring myself to suggest moving. Moving meant moving away from her and I didn't want to do that. I'd been here for months now, kept myself separate and distant from everyone save for a few times and the craving and desire for touch and affection had seeming overpowered my own need to keep people safe.

"Okay," I murmur, trusting her words and feeling how she seemed to be just as eager for wherever this was going as I was. I pressed my head back against her hand, making a sound at how nice it felt before I realized I probably looked ridiculous.

An apology wants to fall from my lips but I silence it by catching her lips in another kiss, a little firmer than before. I wouldn't say I was tentative before but the longer this goes on, the longer she's here, I feel my confidence and want grow.

I let go of her hand because I want to touch her so I do. I let my fingers travel down over her side, over her shirt, pressing and stroking every so often until my hand lands on her hip where I squeeze gently. My lips find their way to her neck and I breathe her in her and then kiss the long slope of her neck down to her shoulder and at the pulse in her throat, even taking the bold move (for me, at least) and licking at it slowly.

For a moment he looks sheepish at the sound, but Raven gives him a smile in encouragement before he kisses her again. This time he's a little more determined, it seems, more intent, and Raven tugs a little at his hair again, just to see if he'll make that sound against her lips.

His hand finds its way to her hip and Raven pulls him closer, bending her good leg to give him room. It's not the most ideal spot, and she knows there must be a bed down the corridor, but she never wants to move. Moving would break whatever this is, and she's spent too long trying to convince him to open up to risk him shutting down now.

Instead, she tilts her head to the side a little as he moves down her neck, kissing along her throat. Her breathing is already coming a little faster and she closes her eyes a moment, lets the smell and feel of him wash over her. "Elias," she says, but she doesn't know entirely what she's asking for. She definitely doesn't want him to stop, so she arches against him a little, running her hand up the back of his shirt to feel the muscles shift in his back.

The slightly sharp pull of my hair sends a little thrill down my spine and I moan quietly against her mouth. That was -- that wan't exactly a voluntary reaction but she doesn't seem put off and she definitely doesn't feel put off either. So, I don't say anything, don't apologize and sink a little further down, pressed more flush against her.

I'm still careful not to let the entirety of my weight rest against her but she's so soft and beautiful that I have to remind myself to not just let go entirely. The sofa is sofa and has some give but I'm aware of my size and how much smaller she is than me.

I've made it down to her collarbones when she says my name. I nose against her shirt, press a kiss against the underside of her chin before I shift enough that I can see her eyes again. One of my thumbs is stroking against her hip, just barely brushing beneath her shirt every so often.

"Yes?" I ask, licking my lips and reveling in how I can still feel her skin there. The thought brings a stain of pink to my cheeks and I almost look away shyly. "Is everything all right?"

Having him stop is the last thing she wanted, but at least he doesn't pull away too far. His fingers on her hip are tentative, and she's still surprised by how much she wants him to touch her more. It's been a long time and even the slightest touch of his hands sends a shiver down her spine.

"You weren't supposed to stop," she chastises, but she's smiling down at him, half amused. For all that he acts shy and reserved, he knows how to use his mouth. There's a sweet blush moving its way across his cheeks and Raven leans forward to kiss him, catching him with her lips and moving her hand further up his back, his shirt pulling upwards a little.

"Everything is fine," she assures him, in between kisses. "More than fine."

"I thought you were trying to get my attention," I tell her, laughing quietly. This is still a new situation and I'd worried that I'd overstepped a boundary and maybe kissed somewhere that was off limits. I'd spent far too much time ignoring people that were in obvious need back home, I didn't want to do that now even if what Raven and I were doing right now was radically different than what took place back in Blackcliff.

"Everything is fine," I repeat, nodding. Right now, I believe that, I believe her. The constant swirl of guilt and tension that I carry around seems a distant memory and I take a deep breath to revel in that before smiling again.

I drop another kiss against her lips before dragging my own lips down her neck again, returning to where I was before she called my name and I thought she'd needed something. I keep her words in mind, that everything's fine, that she doesn't want me to stop and use those as encouragement to finally sneak a hand the tiniest bit up the side of her shirt so my fingers can press against the skin of her side. She's warm. Maybe she's warm everywhere and I go no further than that, wanting to make sure that's fine before I think about more.

Her shirt is soft under my lips and I move back and forth across the top of her chest, expressing appreciation and care and compassion and just flat out passion as best as I'm able with my mouth and lips.

He repeats it like he's trying to convince himself, but it's better than him second guessing every minute. She wants him to relax, wants him to enjoy this, but she doesn't want to rush him into anything he doesn't want.

He goes back to what he was doing before, burning a line of kisses down her neck, and Raven gives a small sigh of pleasure before she decides that this could be better. Her shirt keeps getting in the way of both his lips and his hands, and Raven wants to be able to feel his skin against her properly. She pulls him up for another kiss before she puts a hand on his chest and gently moves him back a little, trying to make it as clear as possible that she's only giving herself room, not pushing him away.

With one elbow holding her weight, she tugs at her shirt, pulling it up and over her head so that she can drop it to the floor. She lets herself fall back against the couch then, giving him a wry smile. "Still fine?" she asks, raising one eyebrow.

I shift slightly, move back to give her room thinking that maybe she needs to breathe because of my weight. I start to ask what she needs when she strips off her shirt and tosses it onto my floor. The words that were trying to make their way out of my mouth turn into a strangled sound of pleasure and enjoyment.

"Bleeding skies," I mumbled, blinking and shamelessly taking her and all that newly exposed skin in. "Yes, I'm still -- still fine."

I was better than fine, in fact. My brain has seemingly stopped working and all I can do for a moment is stare at her. I shake myself when I realize I've stared for too long and come back closer to her.

"I'm fine," I murmur as I lean down and kiss her. I spend a few moments kissing her lips before moving again, trailing my mouth down her neck and now, down to one bare shoulder. I stay there for awhile, nuzzling and kissing and breathing her in before taking a breath and moving lower.

The couch is not built for someone of my height to be doing this but I let a leg hang over the edge and the other off the back of my soft. But, I don't care. I don't care because once I've moved to where I can to be, I can actually lower myself down and kiss he stomach, watch the movement when she breathes and brush my hair over the soft, smooth surface.

It's been a long time since anybody looked at her like that, and Raven takes a moment to appreciate it. Sleeping with Wick had been fast and messy and on a table for crying out loud, and he hadn't stopped to look at her. They'd been distracting each other more than anything, but this is different. Maybe it's still on a crappy little couch, but Elias stops to look at her like he's never seen anything like her, and Raven can admit that she likes it. A whole lot.

"Good," she says, but if she was going to say anything else it's lost in the way he moves down her body again. Her breathing stutters when he reaches her stomach and she shifts a little underneath him. She runs her hand over the back of his head, through his hair to massage his scalp and then around to cup his cheek.

At this angle she can't really get to him to touch, but she does what she can, rocking her hips up towards him. She wants to get his own shirt off, so she sits up a little more even if it means dislodging him for the moment, reaching for the hem of his shirt and tugging.

I could stay here for the rest of my life and be happy. I could listen to her breathe and feel her stomach contract when I kiss it and roll around in how her hips jerk because of me for years and never get tired of it. It's such a new thing, a rare good moment that I don't ever want to end.

I don't even realize that I've hummed against her skin and that one of my fingers has found its way underneath the waistband of her pants, just holding on, touching, exploring. So caught up in her, I almost don't realize she's trying to get my shirt off.

I sit up a bit and hold up my arms, letting her drag the thin tee shirt off of me and toss it away. She's seen me like this before, weeks ago, but I'd been so distracted by other things that I hadn't gotten to really enjoy it. I don't even cut a glance at the scar on my arm where my mother had poisoned me and I always want to cover that spot up.

Once my shirt's gone, I lean forward again, bracing a hand above each of her shoulders and gazing down at her silently. "You're so beautiful. I could stare at you all day but I could -- I could also do other things with you too. Is that -- do you want to keep going? Slow down? Stop?"

It's not the first time she's seen him without a shirt on, but it is the first time she gets to see and touch. She runs her fingers over his skin, sliding her hand up his chest. There's a few scars that she avoids, more for his own piece of mind than anything. She doesn't want to ruin this, doesn't want him to pull away from her self consciously or otherwise.

He hovers above her, his arms braced either side and his hair falling into his eyes a little, and Raven doesn't think she's ever seen someone so attractive. It's somehow ridiculously unfair that someone like him has gone through what he has, but she came here to get his mind off of all that. She smiles up at him, runs her hand up his arm and over his shoulder.

"If you don't keep going," she warns, her voice light and eyes amused, "I'm going to be very disappointed."

She'll stop in a heartbeat if he wants to, of course, but she doesn't think he does. She does, however, think that if they're going to continue it might not be a bad idea to relocate. "I'm assuming there's a bed here," she says slowly, raising one eyebrow.

"Well, I don't want that," I say lightly, feeling one corner of my mouth curling up into a lopsided smile. I lower myself down for a moment, drop another kiss on her forehead before nodding in answer to her question.

"There is," I tell her, looking down the nearby hallway. "It's much bigger than what I was given back at Blackcliff. Much more comfortable too."

And probably much better than this couch. I'd slept on the sofa a few times here and there when the nights grew long and my guilt was overwhelming enough that I didn't think sleep would come at all. It was not built for someone of my height but the bed sometimes seemed too comfortable and I'd convinced myself I was undeserving of that.

Before I move off of her, I press one more kiss against her should before starting the process of extricating myself from atop of her, careful of her leg and the shirts in a pile on the floor.

Once I'm standing, I smile down at her and offer a hand not because I think she needs help but because I'd like to continue to touch her until we're in my bedroom and I can touch a little more thoroughly.

He's gentler with her than she thinks anybody has ever been. The kisses he drops to her forehead are sweet and soft and Raven is torn between wanting to do more and just laying here to kiss him forever. Eventually he moves off her and holds out his hand, and Raven hesitates for only a beat.

She wants this, she does. It's nothing to do with him or with what they're doing here, but it occurs to her suddenly that the bed means taking this further, means that the contraption on her leg is about to become an issue. The last time she was here, her nerves had cracked the minute Wick put his hand on the thing, and he had helped build the damn thing. She doesn't want Elias to falter at it, doesn't want to see the look on his face when he remembers this isn't going to be as simple as tumbling into the bed and each other.

But she wants it anyway, and so she puts her hand in his, lets him pull her up off the couch. She leans into him, kissing him firmly to dispel any questions. With one hand she tugs out her hair-tie, lets her hair spill around her shoulders and then takes his hand. "Show me where the magic happens," she teases, the words dragged across his jaw.

Edited 2017-05-21 11:15 (UTC)

The hesitation is so brief that I'm not even sure I see it. I fight back the urge to ask her if she's all right because, after all the tentativeness and hesitation I'd thrown at her the past few weeks, she has every right to take her time in this and I have no right to rush her no matter how much my body wants this. My self control might be fraying but it's still there.

So, I wait and smile gently down at her. When she takes my hand, I squeeze lightly and meet her halfway when she leans in to kiss me. It's so different than the first kiss we'd shared because I'm not holding back as much. One of the dams inside me has broken and I'm really, really trying to give more than I have been. She deserves that and I want to feel more than despair, desolation and sorrow. I want to feel her. I've wanted that for awhile.

"You have a high opinion of what's gone in my bedroom since I've arrived here," I tell her, a laugh in my voice. I start to turn us towards the bedroom when she pulls her hair free and that just stops me again while I watch the tumble of dark hair fall over her shoulders and around her face.

I have to shake myself and clear my throat before I finally get us moving towards the bedroom. Most of my lights are out and while the sun isn't high in the sky any longer, it is throwing in enough light to see.

I pull her into the bedroom with me, eyes falling on the bed, still made, in the center. Seeing it makes this real and it makes me shiver. When we're close enough to the bed but still standing, I turn back to her and reach for her cheek again, leaning down to kiss her lightly.

"If there's magic in here tonight, it will be because of you."

It's a terribly cheesy line and she does laugh because she can't help it, but it's sweet, too. Coming from Elias it sounds genuine, not like a line at all, and when he kisses her it's gentle and soft and different to any kind of kiss she's ever had. Maybe it's because of the way things were on the ground, maybe it's just because Raven had a tendency to sleep with people who weren't interested in showering her with this kind of sweet-talk. Finn had, in the beginning, but a stint behind bars and everything that happened after changed that considerably.

Part of it scares her, sends a jolt of nerves down her spine. She knows it terrifies him to open up, but she'd be lying if she said she was completely fine with doing the same. It's been a long time since she let anybody get close like this, but she's determined to let this happen, to enjoy it instead of thinking about it too much.

"I am pretty good," she allows, teasing him a little with a smirk playing on her lips. She steers him towards the bed until he's sitting on the edge of it, and she slots herself between his legs, her hands on his shoulders. After a beat she realises she's still wearing her shoes, so she kicks them off quickly behind her as she leans down to kiss him again.

When she pulls back, she raises an eyebrow. "You're trying to tell me the bed of a guy who kisses like that hasn't seen any action?"

Her laugh draws one out of me as well and I duck my head, feeling the heat in my cheeks flare up again. It's shyness though not embarrassment and not anything that's going to send me skittering away. It's just very nice to hear her laugh and be able to join in without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

Hopefully that feeling doesn't hit me later and won't sit on my chest, bringing me feelings of suffocation and pain in the aftermath.

I move easily when she gives me a nudge, dropping down onto the edge of the bed and reaching to curve my hands around her sides, unable to stop myself from stroking my thumbs over her bare skin. My fingers are rough, a bit scarred from the torture by the Warden, but I forget about all that when I touch her.

I forget even more when she kisses him and my hold tightens, fingers brushing up against the waist of her pants again but going no further. Not yet. Not until she's ready no matter how much I want to touch more.

"Not once since I've been here," I say, blinking up at her and shaking my head. "This is the first time's someone other than me has been in here. I haven't been with anyone for years."

Part of that was due to how busy being a Mask kept me and the other part was purely me, purely knowing that I was a Veturius and I didn't want to inflict myself on anyone.

"I haven't wanted to be with anyone," I say quietly, shaking my head. I'd thought about Laia like that once or twice but she'd had Keenan and I'd turned all my focus to her brother and getting him out of Kauf.

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