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I've been mostly keeping to myself since the arrival of Demetrius' body. I'd let people help me with burying him but after that, I'd disappeared. When I went out, it was at night to lessen the chance someone I knew saw me and even then, I made sure my trips were short.
Everything was such a mess. I didn't know how I was going to continue living here with what I'd done. Being back in Serra meant I could at least try and atone for what I'd done by helping Laia and Darin. But, I was here now, here with people that I'd tried not to care about (and did anyway). Separation and disconnection was the only way I could see to keep them safe.
I, of course, hadn't told them that.
The sun was just starting to set on another day of me keeping to myself inside my apartment. I'd taken to trying to use the appliances in my kitchen since I was isolating myself so much. I'd only burned a few things though one of those things had just been burned so the smell of smoke and charred food was wafting through my apartment.
I'd opened my windows, letting the warm air in and taken a seat on sofa with a book. I'd been doing this a lot recently too, trying to absorb the history of a place that had shaken me so much. I wanted to know why and what and how. The books weren't providing much but I continued on because I needed to do something to fill up the time that I now had.
Everything was such a mess. I didn't know how I was going to continue living here with what I'd done. Being back in Serra meant I could at least try and atone for what I'd done by helping Laia and Darin. But, I was here now, here with people that I'd tried not to care about (and did anyway). Separation and disconnection was the only way I could see to keep them safe.
I, of course, hadn't told them that.
The sun was just starting to set on another day of me keeping to myself inside my apartment. I'd taken to trying to use the appliances in my kitchen since I was isolating myself so much. I'd only burned a few things though one of those things had just been burned so the smell of smoke and charred food was wafting through my apartment.
I'd opened my windows, letting the warm air in and taken a seat on sofa with a book. I'd been doing this a lot recently too, trying to absorb the history of a place that had shaken me so much. I wanted to know why and what and how. The books weren't providing much but I continued on because I needed to do something to fill up the time that I now had.
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I don't even realize that I've hummed against her skin and that one of my fingers has found its way underneath the waistband of her pants, just holding on, touching, exploring. So caught up in her, I almost don't realize she's trying to get my shirt off.
I sit up a bit and hold up my arms, letting her drag the thin tee shirt off of me and toss it away. She's seen me like this before, weeks ago, but I'd been so distracted by other things that I hadn't gotten to really enjoy it. I don't even cut a glance at the scar on my arm where my mother had poisoned me and I always want to cover that spot up.
Once my shirt's gone, I lean forward again, bracing a hand above each of her shoulders and gazing down at her silently. "You're so beautiful. I could stare at you all day but I could -- I could also do other things with you too. Is that -- do you want to keep going? Slow down? Stop?"
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He hovers above her, his arms braced either side and his hair falling into his eyes a little, and Raven doesn't think she's ever seen someone so attractive. It's somehow ridiculously unfair that someone like him has gone through what he has, but she came here to get his mind off of all that. She smiles up at him, runs her hand up his arm and over his shoulder.
"If you don't keep going," she warns, her voice light and eyes amused, "I'm going to be very disappointed."
She'll stop in a heartbeat if he wants to, of course, but she doesn't think he does. She does, however, think that if they're going to continue it might not be a bad idea to relocate. "I'm assuming there's a bed here," she says slowly, raising one eyebrow.
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"There is," I tell her, looking down the nearby hallway. "It's much bigger than what I was given back at Blackcliff. Much more comfortable too."
And probably much better than this couch. I'd slept on the sofa a few times here and there when the nights grew long and my guilt was overwhelming enough that I didn't think sleep would come at all. It was not built for someone of my height but the bed sometimes seemed too comfortable and I'd convinced myself I was undeserving of that.
Before I move off of her, I press one more kiss against her should before starting the process of extricating myself from atop of her, careful of her leg and the shirts in a pile on the floor.
Once I'm standing, I smile down at her and offer a hand not because I think she needs help but because I'd like to continue to touch her until we're in my bedroom and I can touch a little more thoroughly.
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She wants this, she does. It's nothing to do with him or with what they're doing here, but it occurs to her suddenly that the bed means taking this further, means that the contraption on her leg is about to become an issue. The last time she was here, her nerves had cracked the minute Wick put his hand on the thing, and he had helped build the damn thing. She doesn't want Elias to falter at it, doesn't want to see the look on his face when he remembers this isn't going to be as simple as tumbling into the bed and each other.
But she wants it anyway, and so she puts her hand in his, lets him pull her up off the couch. She leans into him, kissing him firmly to dispel any questions. With one hand she tugs out her hair-tie, lets her hair spill around her shoulders and then takes his hand. "Show me where the magic happens," she teases, the words dragged across his jaw.
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So, I wait and smile gently down at her. When she takes my hand, I squeeze lightly and meet her halfway when she leans in to kiss me. It's so different than the first kiss we'd shared because I'm not holding back as much. One of the dams inside me has broken and I'm really, really trying to give more than I have been. She deserves that and I want to feel more than despair, desolation and sorrow. I want to feel her. I've wanted that for awhile.
"You have a high opinion of what's gone in my bedroom since I've arrived here," I tell her, a laugh in my voice. I start to turn us towards the bedroom when she pulls her hair free and that just stops me again while I watch the tumble of dark hair fall over her shoulders and around her face.
I have to shake myself and clear my throat before I finally get us moving towards the bedroom. Most of my lights are out and while the sun isn't high in the sky any longer, it is throwing in enough light to see.
I pull her into the bedroom with me, eyes falling on the bed, still made, in the center. Seeing it makes this real and it makes me shiver. When we're close enough to the bed but still standing, I turn back to her and reach for her cheek again, leaning down to kiss her lightly.
"If there's magic in here tonight, it will be because of you."
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Part of it scares her, sends a jolt of nerves down her spine. She knows it terrifies him to open up, but she'd be lying if she said she was completely fine with doing the same. It's been a long time since she let anybody get close like this, but she's determined to let this happen, to enjoy it instead of thinking about it too much.
"I am pretty good," she allows, teasing him a little with a smirk playing on her lips. She steers him towards the bed until he's sitting on the edge of it, and she slots herself between his legs, her hands on his shoulders. After a beat she realises she's still wearing her shoes, so she kicks them off quickly behind her as she leans down to kiss him again.
When she pulls back, she raises an eyebrow. "You're trying to tell me the bed of a guy who kisses like that hasn't seen any action?"
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Hopefully that feeling doesn't hit me later and won't sit on my chest, bringing me feelings of suffocation and pain in the aftermath.
I move easily when she gives me a nudge, dropping down onto the edge of the bed and reaching to curve my hands around her sides, unable to stop myself from stroking my thumbs over her bare skin. My fingers are rough, a bit scarred from the torture by the Warden, but I forget about all that when I touch her.
I forget even more when she kisses him and my hold tightens, fingers brushing up against the waist of her pants again but going no further. Not yet. Not until she's ready no matter how much I want to touch more.
"Not once since I've been here," I say, blinking up at her and shaking my head. "This is the first time's someone other than me has been in here. I haven't been with anyone for years."
Part of that was due to how busy being a Mask kept me and the other part was purely me, purely knowing that I was a Veturius and I didn't want to inflict myself on anyone.
"I haven't wanted to be with anyone," I say quietly, shaking my head. I'd thought about Laia like that once or twice but she'd had Keenan and I'd turned all my focus to her brother and getting him out of Kauf.