I'm just staring at my phone at this point. There were numbers saved inside the machine that would help me order pizza but I've gotten lost in my own head and lost in my memories. I'm not so far gone that I'm not hearing her words but I'm close. My eyes slip close and I shudder, letting the past overtake me for a second or two before shaking it off.
I stand there and stare at the blank screen on my phone because I can't fathom someone still wanting to be here despite what I've done. I can't understand how I haven't driven her away yet. Laia had been the same way, always fighting against me when I tried to keep her out of my life and away from all the chaos I brought with me. I didn't want Laia to be hurt. Now, I don't want Raven to be hurt by me.
Turning around, the phone still in my hand, I look at her but say nothing. I don't know what I want to say. Words are a struggle for me on the best of days but now, faced with someone who's been incredibly understanding about what she's seen and what she knows of me, I have nothing.
"I can't believe you're still here," I say, expecting it to sound accusing. It doesn't. It sounds awestruck. Amazed. Wanted. I don't understand why but she is and I shiver, shake my head and take a few steps closer to her.
I don't sit down though. I stand in front of her, looking down and trying to figure her out. Why. How. What's made her stick around for so long when I'm so clearly not a good person?
"Why?" I whisper, confused. "I don't want to hurt you and that happens to everyone that seems to get close to me. No matter what I do, what I want, people get hurt because of me."
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I stand there and stare at the blank screen on my phone because I can't fathom someone still wanting to be here despite what I've done. I can't understand how I haven't driven her away yet. Laia had been the same way, always fighting against me when I tried to keep her out of my life and away from all the chaos I brought with me. I didn't want Laia to be hurt. Now, I don't want Raven to be hurt by me.
Turning around, the phone still in my hand, I look at her but say nothing. I don't know what I want to say. Words are a struggle for me on the best of days but now, faced with someone who's been incredibly understanding about what she's seen and what she knows of me, I have nothing.
"I can't believe you're still here," I say, expecting it to sound accusing. It doesn't. It sounds awestruck. Amazed. Wanted. I don't understand why but she is and I shiver, shake my head and take a few steps closer to her.
I don't sit down though. I stand in front of her, looking down and trying to figure her out. Why. How. What's made her stick around for so long when I'm so clearly not a good person?
"Why?" I whisper, confused. "I don't want to hurt you and that happens to everyone that seems to get close to me. No matter what I do, what I want, people get hurt because of me."