it certainly makes you harder to hate

I don't know what time it is when I ease myself out of bed. Raven's still asleep so I move as soundlessly as I can out of the room. I don't know what's woken me up but I don't want to disturb her after everything else I've done to cause her problems. So, I tug on a shirt and pad my way into the living room. The sun is just starting to rise and I stand in front of the window, letting the chill of the morning wake me up.

Stretching, I close my eyes and stand there, waiting for something. I don't know what. When I open my eyes, Demetrius is there in front of me. Demetrius who I buried a few months ago. Demetrius who died at my hands. He's just standing there, staring at me and the chill from the morning doesn't compare to the cold steel that's running through my veins right now.

"I'm sorry."

It's the only thing I can think to say. Demetrius is one piece though his eyes are dark, hollow. Accusing. I swallow and step forward, reaching for my friend but my hand passes right through him. It hurts more than it should. I know he is dead and I know he will continue to be dead but I can't help but wish he wasn't.

"Demetrius, please..."

Demetrius still doesn't move. He stares at me and I turn away, hiding my face in my hands and stifling any sort of strangled moan or sounds of pain that want to slip out of me. When I pull my hands away, Demetrius is gone and I'm alone.

I don't know how I feel about that.